What happened next is almost indescribable…
Whatever power that Food Hero put into his punch, it seemed to have pacified my lasagna monster into a vitamin-rich, high-in-calcium, cruciferous, leafy state of BROCCOLI ZEN.
A New Arrival…???
Just as I was about to face off with the lasagna monster of my own creation, to my great surprise a NEW HERO stepped in!! A pizza-caped, cheese-hat wearin’, FOOD POWERED hero!!!
…With a very… interesting way of fighting.
The Great Food Face Off
Before things got even more disastrous, I decided I had to face off against the monster of my own creation. After all, what kind of chef-artist-student-slacker would I be if I didn’t at least try to fix my own gigantic, vehicle-eating, zesty, meat-based transmogrified mistakes?
***INTERMISSION****
***ATTENTION****
The style of my entries particular to this log are composed in a fashion very similar to that of Michael Taussig, whose own anthropological accounts are “not so much an inert record, but something quite different, something alive.” The autobiographical events included here, e.g. shopping for egg buns, making foods with friends, and searching for the perfect lasagna, are depicted in a similar way such that “the anthropologist frequently inhabits [a story].”
The search for different kinds of lasagnas, in particular, led me to www.allrecipes.com, which includes such homemade, contributer-created recipes as “Meat Lasagna,” “White Cheese Chicken Lasagna,” and “Linda’s Lasagna.” It also led me to discover regional varieties of traditional lasagna recipes at www.theguardian.com, including the basic components of Gran Lasagna, béchamel sauce, Bolognese ragu, and Lasagna alla Bolognese. Said lasagnas were referenced in the making of my own, but not copied.
Documenting my various tidbits and observations about my food escapades via text follows the spirit of notable food journalist and chef, Anthony Bourdain, who states of his tumblr page: “A continuous dribble of stuff we’re thinking about and think you should know about.”
Finally, the illustrations I create here are created in a comic style such that they “preserve the essence” of the events that happen, “shortening… collateral dramatization” while preserving main ideas so that readers may “supply intervening actions” themselves (Eisner 1996).
References:
All Recipes. (2014). Lasagna. Available: http://allrecipes.com/recipes/main-dish/pasta/lasagna/. Last accessed 25th July 2014.
Eisner, W (1996). Graphic Storytelling. Tamarac: Poorhouse Press. p 133.
Bourdain, A. (2014). Season Finale. Available: http://anthonybourdain.tumblr.com/. Last accessed 25th July 2014.
The Guardian. (20). How to cook perfect lasagne. Available: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2011/nov/24/how-to-cook-perfect-lasagne. Last accessed 25th July 2014.
Taussig, M (2011). I Swear I Saw This. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press. p.xii-145.
Thank you! We now return you to your regularly-scheduled food log.
***INTERMISSION END***
Insatiable
Well log readers… I think I may be in trouble… just a little bit…
See, there are many, many ways to make a lasagna. The name alone doesn’t even begin to cover the full range—from its roots in Italy, you could choose a Gran Lasagna with two different types of meatballs and layers like stacked pancakes… or a Lasagna alla Bolognese stuffed with a thick ragu sauce and only a hint of cheese, or a Lasagne Verdi al Forno that infuses spinach into the pasta itself. With other cultural influences, you have people sharing varieties such as “Taco Lasagna,” “Buffalo Cheesy Chicken Lasagna,” and even “Golden Lasagna.”
Ahem.… It was with this same spirit of variety that I approached my own lasagna recipe.
It still wasn’t PERFECT.
I kept adding… and adding…
Now my lasagna’s become, um… insatiable.
And as I look from the sauce-splattered remains of what used to be my flat window, watching my lasagna chew on the corner of another building…
I’m debating whether or not it’s time to call for some help.
Paradox Solvable
What have I learned so far?
I have tried my best to combine everyone’s input of what makes food good by joining their suggestions with my enhanced cooking abilities. So far, it seems that “good” is apparently a string of unsolvable paradoxes. For example, one person’s plate of pineapple pancakes becomes absolutely ruined when paired with another person’s can of tomato soup, i.e. two divas that just cannot get along. Hummus and chocolate biscuits seem to be a sweet and sour, daring combo, yet most are put off by their complex exchange. I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Haggis, while rich and full of savory taste… is also a horrifying stomach-bag of sheep guts with oats and spices. (Not even spatula power can change this one, I think…)
But I’m not giving up, dear log-readers. I’m determined to make something so good that not only will it make me happy as the best food ever, but EVERYONE will want to eat it. No one will be able to say it’s bad!
After all, the sky’s the limit with the tools I’ve got at my disposal!
I’ve been thinking far too peripherally when it comes to making the best, most perfect food possible.
Well, playing with my food is over.
It’s time to get REALLY ambitious. Time to add dimension to what I’ve been cooking… time for some extra layers.
I’m thinking… LASAGNA.
Checklist 2
Yasmine’s Checklist of Foods that Work Versus Foods That Don’t (continued)
—Egg rolls, maybe. Depends on who you ask.
–Bretzels a la Volcano-Flambé, extra serrano-chile sauce— Check! If you don’t mind burning your tongue numb.
—-A certain national meaty dish, if you’re not a vegetarian… Check, provided there’s a warrior on hand to catch it…
—-Fish tacos, alas, not check.
—-Chicken feet (GOOD GOD NOT CHECK)
—-Mystery soup?? Not to everyone’s taste, apparently…
Checklist 1
Yasmine’s Checklist of Foods that Work Versus Foods that Don’t (Ongoing…)
-Candy, check. Animals, not check if you’re a vegetarian.
Candy animals… well, they’re just too cute to eat.
Reasonable Conclusion
It’s been some time since my most recent egg-cooking escapade. During that period, I was able to have a good, long think about the nature of cooking in general, especially as I had managed it. For instance—
What are the mechanics of rendering food edible, healthy, and tasty?
What are the implications of making food that happens to have a better personal record for jogging a mile than I do? (I still cannot beat fifteen minutes.)
What does it mean to gain the ability to completely bend the fabric of space, time, and culinary reality as we know it, allotting foods anthropomorphic qualities all through the supposed magic of a slightly warped spatula and a bent piece of golden, taped paper situated upon one’s head?
These questions have rolled around in my head for a few weeks. And while occasions of tidbits occurred, such as, “Alert the world’s major leading physicists,” and “Throw out any moldy bread you may have consumed…”
I believe I finally have come to the MOST reasonable conclusion…
I must share this ability with my friends.
They might be able to help me figure out how to make something that’s actually good.
How to Cook Eggs
Step 1: Notice the pan of eggs you started the first time is burning.
Step 2: Get some golden wrapping paper and tape.
Step 3: Fasten said paper around your head to make a chef’s hat. If you think you look like a chef, you ARE a chef. 
Step 4: Realize that’s not working.
Step 5: Change the shape into a wizard’s hat.
Step 6: NOW you’re cooking. 
Step 7: Realize that the eggs you made, while healthy, are just a little too exercise-prone. Maybe you stirred them too fast while making them.
Yasmine's Log 